This was once my favorite time of year. Not the cold winter part of the season, but the time between Hannuka and Christmas, and my birthday. It was a great sequence of events. First, the 8 days of Hannuka where my siblings and I would get a present every evening. Next, we would to downtown Pittsburgh and visit the animated displays in the windows of Kauffman’s department store. Then I would have a 30 day reprieve from excitement, only to resume the first week of February.
This year I will be having a milestone birthday. It will be the final one in my forties as I make the long march towards old age. I never remember the feeling of entering a new decade, but have strong feelings as I leave one. It has to do with retrospection. When I reach the end, I try to evaluation how well I spend the past 10 years. Did I leave my mark on society and improve my own life, or did I fritter it away on mindless rote.
The past 10 years have been well spent. I grew and peaked in my career, and spent much of them on personal growth. I finally started addressing my obstacles and working towards my own personal goals. While my marriage did not survive these changes, I grew closer to my ex-wife and developed a strong and enduring friendship. We left behind our joint life, and became family. She is the sister I always wanted, but never really had. The one person in life, besides my girlfriend, who watches out for my best interests despite of my shortcomings.
My forties also gave me the opportunity to explore my own ideas and love and relationship. I spent their final three (3) years meeting new women and discovering my own wants, needs, and expectations from a love. I also discovered that when given the opportunity I am a loving, and caring lover. These discoveries lead me to my current relationship with my girlfriend, which is everything I ever wanted from someone else.
I don’t know what the fifties will bring, but I have another year to try and sort that out. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy this year’s birthday. It is a celebration of my persistence and perseverance, and my own appreciation for the human spirit.